The level of interest I have with your concern is not particularly astounding. 
Is there anything here that looks like I care?. Nicole Harrington, CC0, via Unsplash Various Other Ways of Saying “I Don’t Care!” There’s no language on Earth that has word for how little I care. I give a f*ck so minuscule and remote, that it's existence is still disputed by physicists. You know who would really be interested in this? I don’t know, but it’s definitely not me. Seriously? Wow, I had no idea! Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to get on with my life. I’m filing your concern under “N” for “Not Important!”. Holy cow! How long have you been standing there? I didn’t even notice you!. Wait a second, I think I’m actually going to give a f*ck. After digging through my pockets, I discovered that I can’t seem to find my f*cks. How about I got a hundred problems and yours isn’t one of them!. I’ll lend you my phone so you can try to ring someone who actually gives a f*ck!. Wanna see give give a f*ck? There! Oh, you wanna see me do it again?. No instrument that exists can measure my indifference. I think I heard my parents calling for me. Pardon me for interrupting, but this conversation is starting to exceed my interest in it. Does the moon care that the Sun won’t shine upon it?. Your concern failed to create within me a sense of obligation. Do you hear that nice sound? Yup, it’s the sound of “f*ck off!”. The amount of care I possess is equal to the amount of brain cells you have. Hold on, I’m fishing for a f*ck to give. Statistically speaking, there is probably at least one person in this vast world that cares. Kido Dong, CC0, via Unsplash Clever and Sarcastic Ways to Say “I Don’t Care!” I could eat all the laxatives in the world, but I still wouldn't give a single sh*t. Unfortunately, I am but a lowly human and not worthy of providing such attention. Somewhere out there, there’s an alien that would be interested in your concern. 
Frankly, I don’t give a flying frog with four fuzzy feet. Sorry, but I’m late for my solitaire tournament. I want you to know that someone cares. Keep talking! I need to collect more material for my comedy routine. Does my face look like a face that cares?. Time to play another round of the game I like to call: “Not my house!”. Odd, my care-o-factor meter isn’t budging from zero. Don’t let me slow you down in your search for someone who actually gives a sh*t. Sorry, I’m going to polish my door knob. Here’s the error in your mathematical equation: “You added a f*ck that I did not give.”. Behold, the field in which I grow my f*cks! It’s barren. Tell that to my butt, because it’s the only thing that gives a crap. Sorry, I gotta go use the bathroom or something. Look, I made a list of people who care. Do you see any sparkle of concern in my eyes?. If I cared any less than this, I’d be dead. What Should I Do If I Feel Like I Don't Fit In? Funny and Witty Ways to Say “I Don’t Care!” There are two people in this conversation who care about your problem, and one just lost interest. I’m sorry, but you must have mistaken me for someone who cares. What is it about me that makes it look like I give a crap?. Sorry, but your problems mean very little to me. I’ll pay you a fortune just to shut up. Pardon me for giving you the impression that I give a sh*t. There was a time when I would’ve held a strong interest in the words you speak. I am thoroughly unmoved by your plight. I just wouldn’t be the same person if I cared about what you’re saying. I want you to know that I hear what you’re saying. I’d like to tell you that I care, but I don’t want to lie. Not so indifferent now, huh? Well, suit yourself! What to Say Instead of “I Don’t Care!” It seems that I have piqued your interest.
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